She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
