yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
