do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
