Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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