Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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