i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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