he wants to bone in the snuggie
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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