Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
