their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
