just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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