Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will be naked everywhere
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
