i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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