Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
