12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
