One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
