Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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