I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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