i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
