omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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