I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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