The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
