O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
