It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just gargled with NyQuil
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
