Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
