Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
