your thong is hanging out like whoa
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
