final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
