I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if only i could text you this smell
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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