its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
