i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
