omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
