I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
