Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
