I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
