The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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