remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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