Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Two words: blizzard sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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