How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
