Duck Duck Cougar?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
