i don't plan on having that self control this summer
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
