So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
