I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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