Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
