your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
