then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
