I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to calm my uterus...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
