**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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