The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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