We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
