I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
where are my eyebrows?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
