One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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